1. There is something innately homoerotic about male duos, especially with synthesizers.
  2. You can't trust a lead singer who doesn't also play the guitar.
  3. Any band with a woman playing the bass or drums is always better and more interesting as a result.
  4. The only Beatle who didn't write any truly rotten songs for a Beatles release was Ringo.
  5. The worst instrument is the saxophone.
  6. The harmonica player on "My Boy Lollipop" by Millie Small is Rod Stewart.
  7. The best chord sequence is A C G D (and its isomorphs).
  8. Bryan Ferry singing a David Bowie song will always sound infinitely better than David Bowie singing a Bryan Ferry song.
  9. Vastly under-rated musicians; no. 1: The Sex Pistols
  10. Excessively similar songs, part 1: "My Sweet Lord" (George Harrison") & "He's So Fine" (The Chiffons); "19" (Paul Hardcastle) & "Tubular Bells" (Mike Oldfield); "Ghostbusters" (Ray Parker, Jr.) & "Pop Muzik" (M); "It's a Sin" (Pet Shop Boys) & "Wild World" (Cat Stevens)
  11. The crying children on "The Kids" (from Lou Reed's album Berlin) are those of the producer Bob Ezrin. He'd told them they would never see their mother again.
  12. Brian Eno's full name is Brian Peter George St. John le Baptiste de la Salle Eno.
  13. Excessively similar songs, part 2: "No More Heroes" (The Stranglers) & "Waking Up" (Elastica) "Popcorn" (Hot Butter) & "Oxygene pt. 4" (JM Jarre); "The Locomotion" (Little Eva) & the theme from Twin Peaks
  14. Talking Heads, 1977: Norman Bates, Satan, Jean Seberg, Ringo. (David Bowman)
  15. The worst possible way in which to experience any Bruce Springsteen song is to see Bruce Springsteen perform it live in concert.
  16. The two central male concerns about menstruation ("she is" and "she isn't" respectively) are documented in The Rolling Stones' "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction" and Simon and Garfunkel's "Big Bright Green Pleasure Machine".
  17. Pop stars must possess exactly two of the qualities talent, sexiness and intelligence. Elvis: sexy and talented. Madonna: sexy and intelligent. REM: intelligent and talented. Talent-only configurations lead to madness and ignominy (Michael Jackson, for example). (O'Donnell)
  18. Genuine candidates for the title Best Pop Song Ever; no. 1: "Heavenly Pop Hit" by the Chills.
  19. Nick Cave was born with a tail.
  20. English is a particularly good language for writing pop songs in. French is a language for writing particularly good pop songs in.
  21. Most ridiculous song about the author's dick; no. 1: "Sledgehammer" by Peter Gabriel.
  22. Nothing is better than guitars.
  23. Genuine candidates for the title Best Pop Song Ever; no. 2: "Bonnie and Clyde" by Serge Gainsbourg.
  24. The words "Come on, come on" in the chorus of a song invariably betray a moment in which the author simply had nothing to say. This precise betrayal occurs in surprisingly many well-known songs.
  25. Truly extraordinary pop-song artefacts; no.1: the third verse of "Some Velvet Morning" (Lee Hazlewood/Nancy Sinatra)
  26. Great rock & roll accidents; no. 1: Pete Townsend windmilling and spearing the tremolo arm of his guitar right through the palm of his hand.
  27. Kraftwerk have made music about cycling, driving and travelling by train. They have never sung about air travel, and this is because there is no distinctly European experience of flying.
  28. John Cale is probably nastier than Lou Reed, but not much nastier.
  29. At parties when a guitar come out a and people start singing songs, only the larger guests like to sing along or nod appreciatively. Thinner and shorter people pefer to talk amongst themselves or smoke. There is no explanation for this almost universal behaviour.
  30. "Love Me Do" contains a total of seventeen different words (love, me, do, you, know, I, I'll, always, be, true, so, please, someone, to, somebody, new, like).
  31. Great rock & roll accidents; no. 2: Patti Smith falling off stage and breaking her neck while singing "Hand of God I start to whirl, Hand of God, I don’t get dizzy, Hand of God I do not fall now."
  32. The Rolling Stones were better than the Beatles.
  33. Oasis: "Two idiot-savants and three Ringo Starrs" (Anon.)
  34. Vastly under-rated musicians; no. 2: Blondie
  35. Amphetamines are the only recreational drugs to have made a positive contribution to pop music.
  36. The single greatest line of descent in popular music: The Velvet Underground, The Modern Lovers, Talking Heads, Galaxie 500.
  37. "Yummy Yummy Yummy" is a much better song than "Imagine".
  38. Nearly every song which begins with a piano will overstay its welcome.
  39. Typewriter correction liquid was invented by Bette Nesmith, mother of Mike Nesmith of The Monkees.
  40. Paul McCartney is unable to give an interview without mentioning how he wrote "Yesterday".
  41. The best song to mention toilet paper is "Rockin' in the Free World" by Neil Young. The best song to have been written on toilet paper is "Louie Louie" by Richard Berry.
  42. "Born in the USA" is a much better song than "Born to Run".
  43. Both Sting and Elvis Costello sing with ludicrous fake accents. Each has criticised the other for it.
  44. Jim Steinman gave up hope as Def Leppard's producer when the band came back from a 'really great' film they had seen. It turned out to have been Police Academy III.
  45. The Rolling Stones in descending order of intelligence: Mick Jagger, Charlie Watts, Keith Richards, Bill Wyman, Ronnie Wood. Ronnie Wood is really not very smart.
  46. Paul Simon tried to poke fun at Bob Dylan by writing "A Simple Desultory Philippic". Dylan's revenge, a cover of "The Boxer", was orders of magnitude more insulting.
  47. Completely wasted upon children and teenagers, no. 1: A-ha
  48. Cultures in cold climates are much more likely to produce good pop music than those in warm climates.
  49. In terms of thematic reach, musical vision, instrumental complexity and unwillingness to settle for the accepted paradigms of pop music, one of the most accomplished, audacious and unprecedented albums of the 1970s was Nightflight to Venus by Boney M.
  50. The Ramones made it look easier than it really was.
  51. John Lennon was three-quarters of The Beatles.
  52. There are hardly any good songs about astronomy.
  53. Leonard Cohen's songs are much better as poetry than his poems are. Philip Glass's attempt to set the latter to music proved that Cohen's poems don't make very good songs either.